Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Today we're continuing our diet culture conversation from Last Episode Episode 23. And today we're going to talk about the anti diet culture and the body positivity movement and where it goes really right, and I think in some ways where it goes really wrong. And specifically, we're talking about the question, How do I love myself, if I also want to change myself, we've been taught that those two things can't be together you have, you can either love yourself or you can want to change but not both. And I'm here to tell you, you absolutely can want both at the same time. And I'm gonna tell you how. Let's go. 

Before we dive in, I just want to direct you to the website really quickly. Tarafaulmann.com make sure you're signed up for the newsletter because coming out in July is a brand new program the Healthy Mind Healthy Body Program. So if you like what you're hearing here in this podcast, you're gonna love that program because not only is it a full 12 module course talking about how to overcome emotional eating, how to get control of your mind how to become mentally healthy, physically healthy, how your body works, how to balance your hormones, how to balance your blood sugar, all the things you need to get healthy, all the tools you need. But it's also a membership so that you can be a part of live coaching, you can have a lot of access to me to get all your questions answered tons of content and new content every single month, guest experts, I'm super excited about all the stuff that we're going to be bringing to you. So make sure you're signed up so that you are the first to know about it so that you can get in at the founding member prices before the prices go up. Because they will. It's priced pretty low right now for founding members and it will go up so make sure you get over to the website and get signed up for that newsletter.  

Today we're talking about this idea that I want to love myself, but I also want to change myself, how can I do both? How can I feel both? Because diet culture and body positivity culture both tell me that I can't want both of those things at once, right? If I want to change myself, I'm somehow ascribing to diet culture. And if I want to love myself, I'm ascribing to body positivity. But if I want to love myself, and also change myself, how does that even work? Well, it does work. And it works because you're human. That works, because that's what we all think. So I want to just normalize this for you in Episode 23. In the last episode, we talked about the diet culture. And today, I want to take you through the body positivity movement, the anti diet culture, because there's a lot of positives about it. But there's also some ways that it really backfires. And I want you to be aware of them. So just like I want you to be aware of the messages that you're internalizing from diet culture, I also want you to be aware of the messages you may be internalizing from the anti diet culture. So let's start to untangle this for you. 

First, what is the body positive body positivity, movement, anti diet culture? It was designed or was created, I guess to be the antithesis of diet culture, right? It's supposed to be promoting, loving and appreciating and celebrating bodies of all shapes and all sizes, and I am totally here for that part of it. I am on board with loving yourself. Body positivity refers to the idea that everyone deserves to have a positive body image. So regardless of how society says you should look, regardless of what pop culture, and famous people and Instagram influencers, say you should look, or how they view, ideal shape and body size and appearance. Regardless of all of that, however you look should be something that you can love. It's the idea that you can love yourself right now, right where you're at. And I love that idea, too. I'm here for that. Some of the goals of the body positivity movement are to challenge how society views a body, to promote the acceptance of all types of bodies, to help people build confidence and acceptance of their own bodies, and to really address unrealistic body standards. So diet culture sort of prescribes that there is an ideal body standard, an ideal way that you should look, and if you're not that, then you should have some shame about it. Or you should exercise harder to try and get it or you should diet harder to try and look like that. And so body positivity is trying to be like, No, just be cool with where you're at. I love that. I want to be cool with where I'm at. This body positivity movement is also trying to help people understand how media messages contribute to your relationship. So how are you internalizing the messages that you're receiving? And how is that shaping your relationship with yourself, with food, with exercise, with clothes, with your own health, with your own identity? With your own self care? How are you internalizing these diet culture messages, and how is that affecting your own relationship with yourself. So by understanding how these messages are affecting you, and the influence that they're having, the hope is then that you could develop a more realistic relationship with your body and a healthier relationship with food, a healthier relationship with your own thoughts and your own emotions. 

And that is in large part what I do here. I am helping you see things for what they are. And I want to help you love your body so that you treat it well. If you search #bodypositivitymovement, you will see all different shapes of bodies, all different sizes of bodies, moms, and not moms and big ladies and little ladies and fit ladies and not fit ladies and tattooed ladies, and like all kinds. And I love that I am here for that. Because healthy bodies can look all kinds of ways. And Healthy People can look all kinds of ways. And happy people can look all kinds of ways. So think about American Eagle, they're using real women with what we would say are more realistic bodies, women who look more like most of us. And they're not airbrushing, which I love. So they're keeping it real. I love that I don't know about you, but like, when I'm like looking for clothes or looking for a swimsuit, I love that I can be like, Oh, well, that girl kind of looks like me. So that's kind of what that would look like on me. As opposed to the swimsuit models, right? Who have bodies that I do not have. And so that I have to be like, Okay, well, that looks good on her, but what will it actually look like on me. I love that in media like catalogs. And for these stores, we're seeing more real bodies, and H&M is doing it. And target is doing it. We're seeing it a lot of places. And that is part of this body positivity movement. And I love that I love seeing more bodies that look like more of us. And I want to be real clear. I am not shaming skinny bodies. I am not shaming fit bodies. I'm not shaming bodies that don't look like mine. I'm just saying diversity is good. We all look different ways. We all have different bodies. And so representing that, and the things that we see is a good thing. 

Now here's where here's where this goes wrong for me a little bit. Because achieving body positivity is easier said than done. Right? Because what if you don't love how you look? What if you don't love yourself right now, a lot of us are in that position. In fact, I'm in that position probably daily. Throughout the entire day, I might change from loving how I looked at hating how I look. Just in the course of one day, we all have a body image and our body images, how we see ourselves. It's not necessarily how we actually look or how we look to others. Our body images, our perception of ourselves and our perception of ourselves has nothing to do with how we actually look. Let me be clear, let me say this again. Your body image has nothing to do with how you act Look, it only has to do with how you think you look, it has to do with your thoughts about how you look. And you're noticing that I'm saying the word look a lot, because that's one of the problems with body positivity is it's still about looks right? Problem with diet culture is that it's all about looks, body positivity is still about looks. We'll talk about that more in a sec. So how are you forming the thoughts that you're having about how you look about how you see yourself? Sometimes it's you judging yourself against an earlier version of you 20 years ago, sometimes it's you judging yourself about things you see in social media, or what she looks like. And comparing yourself to those things. Sometimes it's both, a lot of times, it's both. Now I just want to normalize something for you. If your perceptions and your thoughts about how you look change all the time. Congratulations, you're a normal human. 

Let me tell you a story. For most of my life, I have had off and on perception of myself a body image of myself of being fat, I look fat. And that's me comparing myself to this diet culture standard, right? That have the way that I'm supposed to look to be worthy. And since I don't look like that, and really never have, then somehow I'm unworthy. It started probably back as far back as like fifth and sixth grade. So here's what I've done my whole life. And I know I'm not alone on this. So I really want to hear if you guys do this to send me a message on Instagram and just be like, Girl, we do. Okay, so here's what I've basically done my entire life. Like say, I'm in high school, and I'll compare myself to friends or what their body types look like mine is different. And all think my body images that I'm fat 15 years later, right? I will look back at what I look like then and be like, Oh my god, I'm an idiot. Like, I was not fat at all. I looked amazing. And I was totally strong. And I looked so great. And the whole time I looked so great. I never appreciated it. I thought I was fat, right? I probably do that I can look back 10 years at any increment of my life. And think, wow, I looked really great. 10 years ago, but I now I'm fat. But at every point, I thought I was fat, right? At every point, my body image was that I'm fat. So I just want to share that with you. Because at any one of those times, I could have decided this is stupid. This is bs Tara, this is not a healthy thought to be having this is not the thought you want to be having what could you be thinking instead? Instead of thinking, I'm fat, I didn't used to be fat. I did think I was but now I don't think I was but now I think I am now. Oh yeah, the mental games that we play with ourselves are crazy making. And I know you've done this too. 

In fact, I will change my own body image of myself, just in a day. Like in the same day. In one day, I can wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and be like oh my god, you're like frumpy and kind of chubby and not looking cute. I could go exercise for 30 minutes, my body, the way it's looked had does not change whatsoever. 30 minutes of exercise has not changed how my body physically looks at all. But after that 30 minute workout, I'll go look in the mirror and be like, dang, girl, you're looking good. Like you're looking fit. Look at those muscles, right? 30 minutes, my body. The way it looks hasn't changed at all. What has changed is my thoughts. And so what I'm so trying to point out to you is that at any time, you can decide to change your thoughts. regardless of if your body has changed or not. Okay, diet tells culture tells you that that's not true. But coach Tara is telling you that that is true. Your thoughts about your body are driving your eating behavior. They're driving your exercise behavior, they're driving your relationship with yourself, and they're driving your success, your thoughts about your body image, your thoughts about how your body looks. Now, again, we're talking about how our body looks right? We haven't even talked about health yet. Because body positivity and diet culture are very focused on Looks, how you look. So remember, remember the formula for success that we talked about your thoughts, create your emotions, create your actions, create your results, if you want a different result, you have to start at the thoughts. 

There's one more place that body positivity kind of misses the mark for me, and the way that it sort of backfire. So diet culture creates shame for us because there's this ideal way that we should be or that we should look. We don't live up to it. So we have shame about that. Well, body positivity kind of does the same thing because it's setting a standard for how I should be acting or how I should be thinking about myself and if I don't think those things I'm also not living up to that standard. So if I'm standing in front of the mirror, and I'm thinking thoughts about the things I don't like about myself, Well, I am being really bad about that body positivity. And now I'm bad. And I feel shame. Like, I can't even do this right? body positivity is telling you that you're wrong. If you don't love yourself, and I'm telling you, it's okay. It's okay. If you don't love yourself all the time. It's okay, if you don't have positive thoughts about yourself all the time that makes you normal. And that makes you human, you are not somehow flawed or wrong, or bad. Because you desire to look differently than you look right now, that doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a human person, it means that you are living in diet culture, you're receiving these messages, you haven't internalized them, and wanting to look different than you look right now is a normal thought. It might not be a helpful thought. But it is a normal thought and doesn't mean you're a bad person, or somehow flawed. If you're having those thoughts, right. If you want to change the way you look, I want to just really normalize this for you. body positivity sends a message that if I don't like how I look, I'm not being body positive. Well, I'm telling you, it's normal, it's normal to have those thoughts about yourself. 

And it's also important to note that body positivity, while it may have started out as something helpful, has morphed into something that's not about body image at all. But it's morphed into this sort of social justice movement. And I am not someone who ascribes to social justice movements. To me that is a situation that makes victims and perpetrators where before there were none, there were just people. And I'm not here for that. So just like I said in the last episode, it is not my job to somehow shield you from things that you're receiving in media from people attacking you, or passing judgment on you. Those things are going to happen. It's my job to help you deal with that. It's my job to help make sure you're okay no matter what the messages are that you're receiving. And so that's why body positivity as a social justice movement. I'm not into it. I'm not here for that. And I think there's some groups too, that the body positivity movement leaves out. So I feel like it leaves out the women and I know a lot of them who do have a thin body or like the socially ideal body, right? The way you're supposed to look the way we're all trying to look. They do look like that. And they're receiving a lot of praise. Like girl, what are you doing, girl? What do you eat girl? What workouts are you doing? Girl? What are you doing? And what they're doing is super unhealthy. And what they're doing is super physically unhealthy and mentally unhealthy. But they're constantly receiving this reinforcement. Like it's good. It's good. Keep doing that shit. Yeah, for sure. Eat 500 calories a day, whatever you're doing, it's working. You look great. Right? I think body positivity leaves out those women, because they look the way that they're "supposed to" but the way they're getting there is super unhealthy. So I think body positivity leaves out those women because they look the way they're supposed to, even though everything else about how they're getting there is not okay, and they're not okay. And they don't have anywhere to say that they don't have anyone to talk to about that. So it leaves out those women. And then it also leaves out the women who genuinely, we need to lose weight for our health. Yes, you weigh 400 pounds, and you love yourself. Amazing. Awesome. I'm here for it. But can we also acknowledge that you need to lose weight to be healthy. And that's just the truth. And for some reason, we're not willing to have that conversation. Because we're so stuck again, on how we look and accepting everyone for how they look, that's great. But we can also have a conversation about getting healthy, and getting healthy will change the way you look. Now whatever judgment you ascribe to that is on you. But I think it leaves out that conversation, this body positivity movement doesn't allow for that conversation. And I'm not here for that either. We need to have that conversation. We need to create healthy bodies. That's why I'm here. We need to create healthy minds. That's why I'm here. If you have an unhealthy body, it's probably because you have an unhealthy mind in some way. So we need to be able to have that conversation and body positivity movement kind of really leaves that out, in my opinion. 

So how do you find this balance? How do you find this balance between figuring out how to love myself but also understanding that I do want to change and that's also okay, they're both okay. And understanding that sometimes I love myself, sometimes I don't love myself, and that's also okay. So when you're looking in the mirror and you're thinking about the things you want to change, I just want you to start understanding create some understanding for yourself. Ask yourself Have some questions. really examine how you got the beliefs that you have how you got the thoughts that you're having? Do you want to change how you look? According to what standard? Are you judging your looks? Who are you comparing yourself to? And why? Why is that the standard that you have chosen? Why is it that the way you think you should look versus how you look right now? Do you think you would have more worth? If you looked that way? Do you think more people would like you? Do you think more people would listen to you or respect you? Do you think you would be treated differently? If you look that way, instead of how you look right now? Where did you get these ideas? How did you form these thoughts? Where is this coming from? I really want you to examine, if you want to change the way you look, I really want you to examine why. Why is the way you look and looking this other way important to you? And where did that idea come from? And why do you think that's the way you should look versus how you do look? Okay? Again, we're talking about looks. 

So the second step here, is to stop focusing on how you look, and start focusing on functioning and health instead. So once you really start understanding and getting a grasp for yourself on where these thoughts about how you look where your body image thoughts are coming from, then we can move and shift a little bit from talking about how we look to talking about our health and our functioning, which in my opinion, is the much more important thing to talk about, right? That's the thing that really matters. Those are the things that really count. So asking yourself, does your body do the things that you want it to do? No. Okay, well, let's focus on that. Let's focus on function. You want to jog for longer, you want to lift more weight, you want to learn to dance, let's focus on creating function in our body, and form will follow function. So if I decide I want to run a 5k, I want my body to function in such a way that I could run a 5k. And complete it. That's a goal, it says has nothing to do with how I look, runners come in all shapes and sizes. I want my body to function in this way. So that's my focus. And so inevitably, I'm going to exercise in a way that helps my body function like that I'm going to eat in a way that helps my body function as a jogger, I'm going to think thoughts and have ideas and treat myself in a way that helps my body function as a jogger and what's going to happen, the way your body looks is going to change because you were focused on the function. Does that make sense? So if we can change the healthier focus to a function, instead of how we look, the looks will follow formal follow function. 

And if we're focusing on function, how our body works, and we're focusing on our health, there's something else I want you to think about. When we decide that we are going to lose weight for health, or we are going to eat this way for health. Are we going to exercise this way for health? Those are all legitimate, right? I don't I don't eat gluten free because it's a fad thing that diet culture told me to do I eat gluten free because I literally get sick if I eat gluten. So it is a health choice for me, right? It's based on health. But how do we measure our progress? How do we always end up measuring our progress, our health progress we measure with looks, we step on the scale we measure our weight doesn't I think weight has nothing to do with health. weight has to do with how you look, we measure our body, we get out the tape measure and we measure how big our frickin thigh is. How big your thigh is has nothing to do with health, it has to do with how you look. So if you want to focus on health, and you want to focus on function, because those are the more mentally healthy ways to do this, then you need to find ways to track your progress that has to do with health and function. Okay. So instead of stepping on the scale, we are tracking you know, what's my deadlift weight, or we are tracking what's my mile time or we are tracking? How much water did I drink? How much sleep did I get? What's my cholesterol level? What's my triglyceride level? What's my blood sugar measuring like? Those are health metrics, right? So if we want to focus on health, we need to focus on health. Focusing on losing weight, focusing on the scale number going down is not focusing on health, I'm still focusing on looks. And still in that diet culture trap, I'm still in that body positivity trap of focusing on weight. So change the focus to health and function and change the metrics of tracking to health and function that makes sense. 

And then the thing we need to do to change our thoughts is change our language. We have to stop trying to convince ourselves that we love ourselves, right? Sometimes standing in the mirror and saying I love myself is a lie. And you know it's a lie. That One of places we get caught in like these positive affirmations, right? We're supposed to say positive affirmations, we're supposed to look in the mirror and say I love my thighs. And I love my body. And I love everything about it. And I'm so great. Whatever is in the back of your head, your brain is being like, You're a liar. That is a lie. You don't actually believe any of those things. Those positive affirmations don't work. They only work if you believe them. And for a lot of us, we don't always believe that saying, I love myself and I love how I look. That's not a truth for a lot of us. So we have to change the language to something that we believe. And for me, I change the word love to respect. Instead of saying, I love myself, because I don't feel like that always. I say I respect myself. I respect this body. I respect the fact that you created to humans Thank you body. I respect the fact that I got out of bed pain free this morning. Thank you body. I respect the fact that you are growing muscle every day when I work out with you thank you body. I respect the fact that even though I have an autoimmune disorder, body, you are finding ways to function better Thank you body, right? I believe in my heart and my soul, all of those statements. If I stood in front of the mirror and said, I love you thigh, my brain would be like bullshit. That's a lie. You don't love that lie. But you can respect it for what it just did. You can respect it for the squats adjusted right. So changing the language changes my thoughts. And if I change my thoughts, I change my emotions, I change my actions, I change my results. And then I can ask myself throughout the day, am I being respectful to this body? Or am I not? 

And I want to point out to you that some of the things you do every day can be seen as respectful or disrespectful. Let me give you an example. You just ran three miles. If your thoughts about running three miles were Wow, my body is amazing. I'm so proud of myself for just doing that. That's respecting your body. If your thoughts about running three miles are I need to run three miles and I need to run them harder because I ate too much ice cream last night. That's not respecting your body. Do you see the difference? Same activity. But one way of thinking about it was respectful to my body. One way of thinking about it was disrespectful to my body. Okay, same same kind of thing. I met a wedding. And I want to have a piece of cake. I don't eat cake very often. I love cake. This one's gluten free so I can have it and I'm super excited. And I'm just enjoying every bite of this cake. I'm being respectful to my body and and be being respectful to my mind. Because my thoughts about the cake are I'm choosing this, I'm savoring this, I'm enjoying this, I have no regrets about this. If I eat that same piece of cake, and my thoughts are, I'm a horrible person. Oh my god, I'm gonna have to starve myself the rest of the night. This is totally not on my diet. I'm totally being a bad girl right now. I can't believe I'm doing this. Oh my gosh. Now I just want three more pieces of cake. If those are my thoughts, right, not respectful. So same action, I ate cake. But my thoughts about it in one way, were respectful to my mind and body, my thoughts about it in another way were not respectful to my mind and body. So start noticing the difference. start hearing your own thoughts about the choices that you're making? And whether or not those are being respectful to your mind into your body. Does that make sense? That is like the easiest way for me to put that. Because your thoughts are controlling everything. Your thoughts are controlling everything down the line, your emotions, your actions, your results. So if you can start understanding and hearing your thoughts and understanding also, why you're thinking that right? If you think oh, my thighs look so fat. Why do I think that fat compared to what fat compared to who? What? Why is this the thought that I'm having really start to pay attention, right? We've got to start being aware of ourselves. And the last tip I have for you is to stop tying worthiness to your looks right? 

We've got to start shifting the focus from looks to health and function. This is not a quick job. None of this is easy. It takes constant vigilance for you to hear yourself and for you to analyze and for you to process. But I what I want you to hear is that your worth has nothing to do with how you look it has nothing to do with how you eat. It has nothing to do with how you exercise. It has everything to do with the simple fact that you exist. The fact that God created you and put you on this earth means that you are worthy, period, end of story. 20 pounds lighter version of you does not have more worth than you have right now. You with washboard abs does not have more worth than you right now. So maybe that's the thought that you need to start with maybe the simple thought of I am worthy period. not worthy because not worthy in spite of just, I am worthy. So the answer is yes, yes, you can love yourself, but also want to change yourself at the same time. Yes, you can love your body right now, but also want to lose weight from that body. Yes, you can love and appreciate and respect yourself right now, but also want to change yourself. That's okay, that is human. The bigger question that you want to be asking is why? Why do I want to change? What are the reasons? Are they reasons because of health and functioning? Or are they reasons because I don't look away that I think I should look, I hope this was helpful. If this resonated for you at all, please send me a message on Instagram. I would love to hear that this kind of hit a spot for you. And just like I said last week, diet, culture and body positivity are all about looks and hear that no nonsense wellness. We're all about health, mental health and physical health together. And there's a huge difference. There's a huge difference between those two mentalities. And so my encouragement to you and my invitation to you is to just start the process of making that shift. Become aware of the thoughts that you're having and the ideas that you're having, and start making the shift from looks to help. Alright, my friends, I hope this was helpful for you. I hope it met you at just the right time. Until we talk again, be well.