Quick Tip Tuesday -
Are you a Hot Mess Mama?
A BONUS episode for ya!
Do you consider yourself a "Hot Mess Mama"? It's so popular to use this term but what does it really mean to you? I'm gonna break down why you should give this a little more thought before you attach this label to yourself and why I no longer do. Deep thoughts with Tara today! Enjoy!
XOXO
Tara
Full transcription available at the bottom of this post
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Full Transcript:
What's up no nonsense wellness friends, I have a quick episode for you today, and I'm going to call these short little ones, Quick Tip Tuesday, and my goal here is to just give you a little nugget, I'm not always gonna give you the answer, I'm gonna maybe give you some tips or things you could think about or work on, but just little things that I've learned along the way on my wellness journey. So really quickly, before I start, if you're not part of our community yet, hop over to community, no nonsense on this dot com, it's always linked in the show notes. Join the conversation. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic today, because I know you're gonna have some thoughts about what I'm about to say, there's gonna be a lot of opinions about this, and I want to know yours. Okay, this is gonna sound a little bit like a rant before it sounds like a tip, so just to roll with me here because I really want us to come to an understanding about this idea, and when I really started thinking about this, I didn't really like it. And I'm wondering if when you guys start really thinking about this, if you're not gonna like it either, so what we're talking about is the term hot mess mama or just hot mess in general.
I just inherently have an aversion to this term, and it took me a while to really work through why I am so averse to it, I don't like using it, I have used it, I have called myself a hot mess before and I didn't like it, and what everybody's doing it. Everyone's a harvest. It's funny. And so I call myself that too, I didn't like it, I didn't feel good, I didn't like how it made... How I felt when I used that term on myself, and I had to understand why I understand my thoughts around it, because remember the term that's just the circumstance, my emotions are not based on the term, my emotions are based on the thoughts I have about that term hot mess. What I realized was that the thoughts that I was associating with that term hot mess, or thoughts of lack and thoughts of not enough-ness and thoughts of falling short and thoughts of failing, and I don't like those thoughts, those do not elicit positive emotions for me, probably not for anybody. And those thoughts are definitely not serving me, and so I realized that that term, the thoughts I was having about that term, were really creating negative emotion to meet, and it's not something that I felt...
Good. Now, I have a theory about this whole hot mess phenomenon, you see it everywhere in social media, right, moms are ward it on t-shirts, we're putting it on wine glasses and hats 'cause we didn't wash our hair, like women have built businesses called that... Books have been written like this term has infiltrated our society, it is everywhere, and mom's put on this hot mess label, like a badge of honor, and I have a theory about why, and this is what I want you to put into the community. In our community group, I want you to know if you think this theory is totally crazier or makes sense. So if you remember when Pinterest came out, there was the Pinterest mom, and that shot through our society, the Pinterest mom is like this mom who's always got her shit together and her kids are always wearing cute, fashionable clothes and they never looked dirty and they always look adorable. And she makes the amazing cupcakes for every big sell, and every birthday party is this amazing extravaganza, and she's just always looks put together. And we've created this persona of the Pinterest mom in our society, and none of us can live up to this Pinterest mom perfection, not even the Pinterest mom, live up to that idea of perfection, it doesn't exist, you guys, none of us are that perfect for God's sakes, give yourself of grace.
Even the Pinterest moms were not always Pinterest worthy. Okay, that's just not possible. But we created this persona of the Pinterest on, and I think the memo is the backlash to that there were so many moms that were like, Well, I can never and will never be a Pinterest mom, I'm just gonna be a hot mess mom. And it makes sense, and I kind of like it for that reason because it was this idea of like, we can all commiserate together a little bit like, guess what, none of us are Pinterest, Bobs, none of us are always perfect, none of us always have our shit together, and so we are going to congregate around this idea that it's okay to not be okay. And I love the idea of hot mess mom for that reason. In A lot of ways, it made it okay to not be okay all the time... It lowered the bar A little bit. It made it okay that... Yeah, your kids were the same, freaking close to school for three days in a row, nobody gives a shit like, Yep, you didn't wash your hair for the last two days, nobody cares now that the rest of us do either... Like at your house is kind of a mess right now. Guess what? Nobody cares, 'cause ours is too... It was sort of this like, Oh my gosh, it's okay to not always have it together, you don't have to create this perfect Pinterest personal life. Nothing against Pinterest. I love Pinterest, but you know what I'm talking about.
You have to keep in check though, your thoughts around this hot mess idea.
If your thought is that hot mess label is empowering and inspiring, and your thought is, I'm not okay, you're not okay, and it's okay if that's what that term elicits for you. Those are the thoughts that that term elicits for you, go ahead, keep using it if it makes you feel good because of the thoughts you're having about it... Go for it. But what I want to propose to you is that there are more of you out there then maybe are recognizing, who are not having positive empowered thoughts about that term, you are having more negative thoughts about that term, like I was... That term hot mess mom for me was eliciting again, thoughts of not enough-ness, of not living up to... Of giving up, being lazy, being complacent.
And I'm not saying those thoughts are right or wrong, they're my thoughts, and that's what I have to be aware of. You are free to have your own thoughts about the term hot mess, Mom, I don't like it, 'cause I have those thoughts about it, you might love it because you have different thoughts about it. The point is, I want you to step back and understand for yourself what your thoughts are about it, because if you don't understand, you might be where I was, you might be using that term 'cause everybody's using it and it's funny, ha-ha. But all the while, it's like bringing you down every time, it's like taking you to a negative place every time... For me, it was like, it was like a weird excuse, it made it okay to not try... That was my thought. Right. It was making it okay to not even try... Just be like, I'm a hot mess. Whatever is what it is, you know what I mean? That's again, my thought, that doesn't have to be your thought, what I want you to be aware of is your thought... Are your thoughts similar to mine, if you start observing them, maybe they are, or maybe you're the hot mess mom, and that is your thing because it makes you feel powerful like, Yes.
I got this, I'm a hot mess and I'm taking as... Maybe that's your thought. That's awesome. So the point is, the term to me is kind of all areas because it's become such a part of what we say and what we do in this culture, but I really had to stop and think about what that even means for all of us together, and what that meant for me personally. So it's not a term that I'm really going to use to refer to myself, that is not... Because I always think that I have it all together, I certainly do not, but there are other terms that I can call myself that are gonna be far more productive, so I want you to step back, maybe just don't even use it... Right, until you step back and really analyze your own thoughts about that term hot mess, and then decide if that's something you wanna keep using as you move forward. I love the idea that you're not okay and I'm not okay, and it's all okay. I couldn't agree with that more. And that thought actually is very empowering to me, but if that's not the thought that hot mess mom is eliciting for you, you might need to step back and figure it out for yourself.
Okay. Self-analysis. There you go. Just therapies, you for the day. Alright, that's your Quick Tip Tuesday. I hope that was helpful. I really wanna know what you guys think about this. I would love to know what you find are your thoughts about it and put them in the group so we can all hear... I'm dying to hear if I'm just totally crazy, or if there's somebody else out there who can relate to this train of thought. Alright, until next time you guys, I'm really excited for the next episode that's coming at you, so pay attention to that for Friday, and we'll talk to... Until then, be well.