00:00

Welcome back to the podcast my friends. I'm so glad you're here I have a special treat for you today, I got to sit down with Christina jolly A Life Transformation Strategist. I just love that title. Christina is a life coach. She's the host of the believe for bigger podcast. And she's helping women who struggle with identity with lack of confidence and embracing their worth that for women to step into their boldness and operate in their gifts with confidence. I just love her message. I loved our conversation. And what we talked about was how to help you deal with the holidays if the holidays are not exactly a time of joy for you know, for a lot of us that's really great on one hand, but at the same time, we're dealing with some sadness, some grief, some loss, some very difficult emotions, like overwhelm and stress for a myriad of different reasons. So we had a really good conversation about helping you navigate the not so happy parts of the holidays that you might be experiencing, I think you're really going to like this conversation. If you want more from Christina, check out her website, Christina jolly.com. And everywhere you listen to podcasts, find the belief for bigger podcast, let's go.

01:23

Welcome back to the no nonsense wellness podcast, the place for women who are trying to do all the things and stay healthy, sane and actually enjoy life in the process. Hey, I'm Tara, a trained therapist, a life coach, a nutrition coach and a fitness instructor. And I'm on a mission to help you take back control of your mind health and life. Each week, I'll be cutting through the nonsense and getting real with you. I'll bring you the insight and information you need to take control of your weight and health. Find food freedom. And finally break free from the thoughts that are sabotaging you and holding you back. You, my friend are powerful, and the world needs you to start showing up in a bigger way. It's time to get unstuck and start moving forward. So let's pop in those earbuds, tie up those shoes, let's walk and talk. 

Before we get started friends, I just want to remind you that the very best way you can bless any podcaster is by subscribing and leaving a written review for the show on iTunes. So pop over to iTunes as soon as you can. It'll take just a minute or two to subscribe to the show so you don't miss any episodes. And give the show a written review that helps other people find the show. So if you think the message in the no nonsense wellness podcast or in Christina's podcast is valuable and useful to you, please head over to iTunes and subscribe and review that helps us out a ton. All right now to the interview. I'm super excited to have you here. Christina, I feel like this is such a timely topic for this season. And just not enough people are talking about what if the holidays are not great for you? What if this is a really hard time? So I'm really happy that you're here to talk about that.

03:28

Yeah, it's a great topic because I think a lot of people can really and truly relate to this.

03:33

Yeah, for sure. Why don't we start by let's get to know you a little bit. What is your business call?

03:40

So I am a Life Transformation Strategist. So I'm a life coach.

03:44

I love that label, by the way, a life transformation strategy. Do we not all need a Life Transformation Strategist in our life? Yes, we

03:51

do. Because I talk a lot about mindset. And I truly believe that elevation starts in your mind. And once you get elevated in your mind, then you can see the shifts going on in your life.

04:07

I love that elevate is a word that I feel like I use a lot. I love that your life coach, I love that you're on here talking with us. How did you get into this? How where did this come from?

04:17

Well, it has just been a definitely a process. And I think I've shared with you previously that I was in a job that I was not fulfilled. It truly wasn't in my gifting. I just kind of knew I was there to kind of pass the time. And I really just took a step of faith. I was in a mentorship group and I kept hearing like it's time to go it's time to move. It's time to do something. And that's actually where I birthed my podcast. But then shortly after that, I just felt the nudge and again it was just something within me that just said Okay, it's it's really your time, like, it's time to go. And so I decided to quit my job that I was working outside my home. And I went to my husband and basically just told him like, I really can't explain this, but I feel like I just need to move and do something. And very

05:21

few like, like, I feel like there might be women wondering like, okay, am I is that a real nudge that I'm getting? Or is this like, Am I making it up? Like, what? What did it actually feel like for you?

05:33

I think when God wants to shift you, I think you feel a lot of being uncomfortable, you start getting frustrated, things that didn't bother you before. It's like, it really starts to bother you. And, again, I just really felt like I really, truly wasn't making a difference in the job that I had. I know that I was, and I did make a difference the year and a half that I was there. But it wasn't fulfilling enough for me. And I just felt like, Okay, I don't know what this is. But I truly got curious. And I just leaned into God and His direction of where I needed to go next. Now, did I truly know what that was going to be like? No, I didn't. That's a guarantee you have that just Yeah, I don't know. But it's not this. Yeah. And what is even more scary or just really interesting is that not only could not explain it for myself, but obviously I couldn't explain to my husband, like I just you. And he just kind of looked at me. He was like, okay, so what do you want to do?

06:41

Yeah, they always want to know the plan, right? I'm like, I don't know. It's just not what I'm doing. And they're like, but what is it? What are you going to do?

06:49

Right? And I think that's what really started on a really just a self journey of self discovery of okay, Christina, get back to the core of what really lights you up? What are you passionate about? You know, what are your gifts? What are those things that you can do that nobody else can do?

07:10

I think on this podcast, we talk a lot about being stuck. And I think so many of us get stuck in large part because we know we are in the right spot. But we don't know what the right spot is. And it feels more overwhelming and scary to leave what I at least know even if I don't like it to go to something that I don't know, even if I might like it better. That's a terrifying leap for most of us, probably all of us. How did you kind of bridge that gap?

07:39

I think what I did was I just really decided to lean into being curious and not knowing exactly where I was going to be going. But knowing that even if I did take the wrong turn or made a wrong decision, or a wrong step that I was going to get back on the right track. And I think as women especially, we are waiting to receive permission from others, waiting for clarity. God doesn't promise us clarity. And we're also waiting for, like a clear, like a direction. Oh, blueprint. ABCD. Yeah,

08:19

yeah. And it doesn't work that way. It just, I tell you that you got to have faith, like, you hear it all the time. But it's really true. Like you have to step out in faith. That is the only way to move forward. You have to try the thing. You have to try

08:35

it. Yeah. And even if you do try it, and let's just say that it doesn't work out, like the way that you wanted it to work out. You try to like you have the courage and the boldness to actually try it. And I think that that is really important for women just to kind of start somewhere.

08:54

Yeah, I agree. And trying usually begets more trying, right? Even if it doesn't work, that bravery that you grew from the trying, you'll probably try again at something else. Right? Yeah, it's just that first step, you got to take the first step, however scary that is. And that first step sometimes too is hiring a coach. Like sometimes you need to hire a life coach, that's your first step so that you get some help to figure out what the next steps are. Yeah, I agree. I am, you know, I come from the therapy world. So my I'm very passionate that like, everyone needs a person. Everyone needs a mentor, a therapist, a coach, whatever it is, we all need that. We all need someone who can see us from the outside. Because it's hard for us to get that perspective. Your husband probably could look at you and be like, Oh, well, these are the amazing things that I think you'd be great at and you wake up. I didn't even know.

09:50

Oh, yeah, he's been calling things out in me before I even saw in myself and talked about starting with a life coach. Which, you know, starting with somebody, again, who can see you in a different light, can really just point out some of the blind spots, because we all have them. And so that I also started there as well, like I hired a life coach that can really just help me with some of the blockers that I had in my mindset. And I'm really just point that out and really helped me to really address them. Because we yeah, we

10:27

build up these all these walls about what we think we can and can't do and who we are and are not. And most of them are not true. I would venture to say none of them are. But we don't we can't see past it. You definitely you need someone to help you see around that wall. Absolutely. A great, it's a great thing that you're doing. I guess we're both doing we're both coaching in different ways. Yeah. And we have to take that responsibility back our own happiness, we are responsible for our own happiness, not our children, not our spouse, not anyone else. Yeah, we have to take responsibility. That's hard. It's hard. It's a daily, it's a daily thing that Yeah,

11:05

and I think we as women, do, we set the tone in our homes, and we don't even really realize it. And I'm not gonna say every day you wake up, and you're just like, you know, so full of joy. You know, there's some down days, there's some days, you're not feeling your best, but it's a choice every single day.

11:25

So speaking of choice every single day, let's talk about the holidays, then because this is when sometimes those making those choices gets tougher for a lot of us. And like we said before, the holidays rate is supposed to be so like, joyous and wonderful. And everyone has a great time and we sing Christmas carols and you know, oh, everything's great. And for a lot of people, it is not that. What do you see the most in terms of people just struggling at this time of year,

11:53

what I see the most is really just not being thankful and grateful for what you do have. And I think if we were to do that shift in our mind of what we are thankful and grateful for the things that we have, we have a lot of things that we just stop and think about how our health is healthy. You know, we have people around us that love us, you know, we live in a nice place, you know, all of those things. But I think a lot of times we always want to revert back, well, I don't have this or I don't have this thing going right. So we shift to be more thankful and grateful. I think your joy truly increases.

12:35

Do you think it has to do with expectations? Like we put a lot of expectations, I think on ourselves on how everything's supposed to go, right? Every event is supposed to go this way My house is supposed to look this way my food was supposed to taste this way. I'm supposed to be this way. Like, I don't know, what do you think about expectations at this time?

12:57

I think that that is it's something that a lot of women put a lot of pressure on. So I'll give you this. I think it's been the last two years. I've been hosting Thanksgiving in my home, all my kids are adult kids. And I want to say was like two years ago, I told my husband, what do you think about me actually, like buying our turkey? He looked at me like I was crazy. And he was like, what do you mean by the turkey? And I said, like already buy it pre cooked. And I can just heat it up. I'll make everything else. And he was like, Okay, well, I mean, if you think so like, is it gonna taste good? And I'm like, I don't know, let's just try it. And so that was actually the best decision because to me, making a turkey was a little overwhelming. And I felt like my anxiety was like starting to like, you know, like, I had to make the look perfect. What do I stuffed it with, you know, all of those things. And I just happen to see that you could buy it already, you know, done card, everything. And I told my husband. Let's just try it. Oh my gosh, my kids loved it. My husband loved it. And we just ordered our turkey for this year. I love it. All right off. You're

14:11

with me. Yeah, it wasn't even it wasn't even totally just your expectation of yourself. It was other people's expectations of your performance on Thanksgiving.

14:21

Yeah. And so if you can find a way to eliminate that make it a little bit easier. I'm not saying that I didn't do any other side dishes or anything like that, because I make like a homemade apple pie and all of those things. But is there something that you could really truly take off your plate just to make it a little bit easier, right? And if your attitude is good towards whatever you're suggesting, you influence the other people around you. So I just told my husband, let's just try it. Yeah, all in

14:55

the presentation right.

15:01

I know, yes. Even especially adult children, I would say they have a lot of expectations, right? They come in, and they expect their favorite dish, and they expect their favorite decoration to be out and they expect and they expect and they expect I'm an adult child. And, and everyone comes in with their own expectations of what that holiday looks like, and you have to magically perform. And that's not fair. Based on your experience. How would you approach the family? I know you said kind of the way you sell it is important. How do you do that? How do you tell them like, sorry, I'm not making green bean casserole. If you want it, you can bring it yourself?

15:43

Well, you know what, I think if you happen to have like me, I have adult kids. And so one of my son's girlfriends, he's actually offered to bring a dish. And instead of me thinking, Oh, I have to do it, and not be open to somebody else bringing something to our, you know, Thanksgiving meal. Be open to it, you know, and she's, I think it's like mac and cheese, but it has some kind of a twist to it. So like a little spicy. I'm like, let's just try it. You know what I mean? And so we have said

16:18

that multiple times, let's just try it. I really liked that. We should just write that on our hands. So we can just say it over and over again. Let's just try it.

16:26

Yeah. And so the other day, she happened to tell me Is it okay, if I bring that? And I was like, absolutely. It's like one less thing that I have to prepare, you know. And so I'm really just being open to not the traditional way that you always do things. You know what I mean? I think that that's really like the key. Yeah, just I agree. I'll just, yeah, yeah,

16:51

being able to let some stuff go. Put some expectations go let some traditions go if you have to. I had a friend last year, and they were very disappointed because things were not working out. Like we always meet our in laws on the state. And we always meet my parents on this day. And this is what we do every time and everything was getting up ended. And the whole family was freaking out. And everyone was mad about it. And her attitude was we're just trying something new this year. We're just trying something new. And you know what, it went totally fine, because she had a good attitude, which meant her kids had a good attitude, which meant her husband had a good attitude. And it was different. And it was fine.

17:27

Yeah, yeah, just kind of being open to different new a change. I just feel like we could really just start there.

17:36

I think that's a great place to start. A lot of times. At this time, we're dealing with kind of extra stress, extra overwhelmed, but also extra grief, sadness, loss isolation. A lot of feelings come up at this time of year. What? What do you talk to women usually about that.

17:56

So I think it's really important, not only throughout the year, but I think during this time, because you're right, it brings up a lot of memories, especially in the last couple of years, there's been a lot of people who have lost loved ones, they're no longer at the dinner table with you. It's just different, it looks different. And you've had to adjust, right? And so being mindful of what you're listening to on a daily basis is really key. So how are you starting your day? What is the very first thing that you're doing? You know, I've actually started to do this, this even before my feet hit the ground. I'm like, Thank you, God for another day. You know what I mean? just thankful and grateful going back to that. And really, are you turning on the TV? Are you turning on your phone? And

18:45

what are you feeling your brainwaves?

18:47

Yeah, what are you filling your brain with first thing in the morning? Because it really, it sets the tone for the day. So fill yourself with faith building things that really can build up your faith,

18:59

your gratitude practice.

19:01

Right? Exactly. And so that way you can gonna get your your mindset in going in the right direction for the day. Not the things are not going to come up during the day. Absolutely, they will. But you know, you've already kind of built the foundation from the very beginning of the day. I think a lot of times we go towards the views and all of those things. And a lot of times it's pretty negative, you know, so just being mindful of what is the very first thing and how are you starting your day?

19:30

Yeah, I totally agree. Again, it's your thoughts because we're thinking about that spot empty at the dinner table or, you know, so and so it's not here anymore, or whatever the case is that we're sort of upset about I think we get really stuck there sometimes like it's not the same it'll never be the same again. How what would you say to kind of help women like just get past that or or just process that a little bit better?

19:59

Yeah, I think The the key is just embracing change. And I know that that can be somewhat easier said than done right? Or said than done. I was gonna say that. But you know, I, we lost somebody in my family very near and dear, I had a brother in law who is married to my sister probably over 20 years, and he suddenly passed away. It's been about 10 years. But there are still some family members who are just like you said, they get stuck. It's not the same. He's not here. What I choose to do is to shift that mindset to man, I'm just grateful for the times that I did get to spend with him. Like he had a huge impact not only on my daughter, but my nephews, my parents, you know, and so I'm just thankful when I remember the memories of when he would randomly call me and just hey, how are you doing? How are you know, How are things at the house? You know, that thing, those kinds of things when I was I was single parent. And so I remember those things, you know, him dressing up for Halloween with, you know, our kids when they were young, and just filling your heart, in your mind with the good times did you did have with that person

21:09

and the gratitude for the time you had. There it is again, right?

21:15

Yes, I love that. is

21:17

I love that. Because yeah, it really it matters, what you focus on, if you focus on the loss, and it's not the same. And, you know, every year from now on, they won't, right? You could really go down that hole more or you could not you could choose to not to, it really is a choice. We talk a lot here about like, feeling your feelings and then releasing your feelings, right? And and you do have to sit with that stuff. Sometimes you have to sit with the loss and the grief, but you don't have to stay there. And holidays are a time I feel like we stay there. We just get really stuck there. What about the idea of the shoulds? Right, we talked about expectations. But I think there's a lot of guilt. Sometimes that happens, right? Guilt, because I can't provide the presence that my kids want, or I can't do this or you know, whatever it is the guilt that I'm not showing up in some way that I think that I should be? How do you help? How do you talk about getting past that guilt?

22:18

I think a lot of times we put a lot, especially in Christmas time. And I know for my family, and I didn't really realize this until I married my husband a couple of years ago. But when we had our first Christmas together, my family would put a lot of emphasis on gifts. And it wasn't until after we had come home, like everybody gets a gift. When I'm drawing names, like every person gets to get used to be my family. And my husband, when we got home, we were reflecting back on the day he said, you know if I had to make a suggestion, he says, I really don't think that the gifts need to be about the adults. I really think the gifts should be about the kids. Because I don't understand why you guys are exchanging gifts, like you're adults. You're just so matter of fact about it. And I was like, you know, I was like that's a really he's like, You put too much pressure on that. And and then his

23:12

little pressure. Yes,

23:14

yeah. And then he's like, and then I get stuff that I don't really care to get to meet.

23:22

You spend on the adult gifts, you just got the thing that you wanted for yourself, right?

23:27

Yeah. So I think we put a lot of pressure on even getting the right gift. You know what I mean? Is it something meaningful? And you know, are they going to react a certain way? In the game, because you've spent a lot of time and energy to really try to find the perfect gift, when really the presence of people just being in their presence, the joy, the laughter, the memories that you're creating? That's so much more important.

23:57

Yep. I totally agree. And, and again, I think that's something that you have to cultivate, right? So like, your family was similar to ours, we were doing all the presents and all the things. And at some point, one of us had to say, this is enough. We're not doing this anymore. And at first, the reaction was like, Well, this is our tradition, this is what we do. And it's turned into something so much cooler, right? Because we replaced it with new traditions. And we do different things now. And it's a lot of fun. And I think for women, it's sometimes hard for us to stand up and say, This isn't working. The way this isn't working. How do you How would you coach a woman? How would what would you tell the listeners if they feel like oh, this is me, like I need to stand up and say something, but how what do I do? What do I say?

24:47

I think you just need to make a suggestion and just come with an open mind to hear the feedback and also to come in a way where the word choices The things that you say, it's not like you're going to, we're not doing gifts anymore. I mean, just the delivery, the posture and how you say it. And then you can give a reason behind it. Not that everybody's going to understand or agree. But, you know, I think about my family, and everybody has different, you know, salaries. And you know, some people don't make as much. And so it can be a stress and a struggle. So if we just say, you know, what, we're really just gonna focus on the kids, our kids are really our focus. And if we can put towards all those resources towards the children, that's really what it's about when they open up those gifts. And they're, you know, they're so excited to receive that new toy or whatever. So yeah, you really have to use your words carefully. You know, the heart posture. How are you saying it? How are you delivering it? And your intention

25:57

behind it? Yeah, yes, no matter what's probably a hard conversation, but we have to have hard conversations as humans, there's no way around it. You have to do that. Absolutely. Yeah. So okay. So there's been some like definite themes here. Being in a state of gratitude, and focusing on what you're grateful for letting go of some of the expectations, not just you of yourself, but other people's expectations of you are having some hard conversations, and changing things that need to be changed that just aren't working anymore, trying things new. Let's just try it. Right. I love that thing. I'm thinking I'm going to use that a lot. What about I know, so one of the things we talk about here a lot is the emotions dealing with overwhelming emotions. A lot of the women who probably listen to this podcast are here, because we eat the emotions, or maybe at the holiday times we drink the emotions. What would you say about just processing some of the tough stuff? Yeah. Drinks?

27:02

Yeah. So I would say, you know, what's worked for me is Kenny, not worse, if you are in a place where you can actually get some fresh air, you would be so surprised of what nature can do for you, just being outdoors. And so for me, personally, I live in South Texas, I live along water. And for me, that's so refreshing when I'm able to get outdoors and just smell the air. You know, I can see squirrels, you know, in the yards of different people. But just getting outside and getting to a place where you can just refresh your soul. You know, what is it that really refreshes you? And for me, it happens to be nature. I love being outside. I totally agree. No. And so I hate

27:49

going out there and it gives you a little bit of space to just Yes, work through some stuff in your own brain if you need to.

27:55

Absolutely. Absolutely.

27:58

I think that's something that we don't do enough for ourselves is fine space for ourselves. And I don't mean like physical space, although I think with physical space comes mental space,

28:08

right? Yeah, a little space. Like even in my home office, I have a chair, I have a blanket, I have some books, my devotional, my journal, my Bible, I mean, I've kind of cultivated a little space, this just, this is what I do. When I sit in that particular chair, you know, it's kind of like decompress from the day. Really, again, I do a lot of journaling with the gratitude and being thankful for what I do have. So finding a little bit of space just for you. That's really good. It's healthy for you.

28:42

Yeah, and especially through the holidays, like kids just really need. Otherwise, you just will get mired down and all of the shoulds and a half twos, right? So what would be like, if you were going to give just an overarching piece of advice for getting through the holidays successfully, what would it be?

29:04

I'm gonna say that you just need to really just choose joy, throughout everything, just choose joy, there's going to be things that are not going to go your way there's going to be maybe family members that say things. You know, maybe your kids are not happy, right? But find a way just to be joyful. And again, going back to the attitude of gratitude, and really just being thankful for what you do have. I think that really could go a long way.

29:36

Choosing you have to make the choice. Yeah, choosing joy. Choose being the operative word. Right. Yeah. Because it doesn't just happen. You don't just magically feel joyful, right. You can pray and pray and pray but you have to choose to feel that way. You have to choose to think that way. You have to choose to believe that way. Yeah, I love it. Oh, this was so good. Any last bits, anything that we didn't ask anything you want to cover, you know, the other thing that

30:05

I was just going to mention that I think could also help with holiday lose is, you know, be mindful, also the people that you surround yourself with, even if it's family members, there's some people that really just as soon as they entered the room, it's like, there's like a negative energy. Like, it's just like, oh, my gosh, you know, this person has arrived, and they're not very happy, or you're or whatever. Just, you can limit the time that you spend with someone. So if you were to ask yourself, after you spend time with someone, do you feel like totally exhausted after you spending time with that person, you know, and maybe you need to, again, it could be a family member that you're not going to be able to avoid, but limit the time that you do spend with them. So you're not exhausted, that you're not overwhelmed? That, you know, they've just kind of dumped all their baggage on you. Oh, you just have to protect your peace?

30:58

Yes, you do. That's great advice. And it's hard sometimes, right? Because it's like, Whoa, I have to see this person or they're my family. But you know, you don't have to do anything. You get to choose. I think sometimes we feel like, again, the guilt shows up, right? Like if I don't do this, and I don't talk to this person. I don't respond in this way. But we don't have control over other people. We don't have control over how they're going to act or what they're going to say to us. And so if we can let that go let the expectation of their behavior go. Right, right, and choose how we're going to feel no matter what they do. Absolutely. That's power. That's some powerful stuff. Yeah. Such good advice. Thank you. Oh, this was so good. I'm so glad we got to have this conversation. Absolutely. I love it. Okay, so if somebody really wants to hear more from you, you have a podcast, where is the podcasts all over the place?

31:53

So yeah, so you could go to anchor it's on Apple podcast, Google. And it's called belief or bigger.

32:02

Leave for bigger and there will be a link to it in the show notes so that you guys can all go and listen to that. And I know as a podcaster always, please, rate and review. Yeah, if you like Christina, if you like this episode, if you like her podcast, go rate review. Listen, subscribe, share it with your friends. Appreciate that. Yes. And where else you have a website that they could go check you out on?

32:25

Yes. So it's Christina jolly.com. And you can get on my newsletter and send out a newsletter every single week. And kind of keep you up to date on what is going on.

32:37

Fantastic. And on social media. Are you on social media? Yeah.

32:41

So I'm on Facebook, and I'm also on Instagram. And it's Christina jolly. My main name is heard on this. So it's Christina H jolly on Instagram. And I think it's just Christina jolly on Facebook. But yeah, you can look me up.

32:59

I know, you do some master classes, and you do some vision board classes. So anything fun that you're planning for December for the new year that we should know about?

33:09

Yeah, I'm probably will end up having another vision board workshop online, either late December, if not eat sometime in January. And I really focus on mindset, because we can put, you know, pictures on a board and all of those things. But if we're truly not believing for the things that we're putting on the board, we're just putting pictures on there. And so I really address mindset and what holds us back from actually seeing our dreams come to come to pass. So I have that coming up.

33:44

I sounds awesome. I love that. And then if you want details about that get on Christina's newsletter. Absolutely. Awesome. Thank you so much to everyone out there. Hope you're having some good holidays and I hope this helps.

34:04

Your friends, thanks so much for being here. If you found value in today's episode, will you do me a favor and head over to iTunes? Find the no nonsense wellness podcast and subscribe and leave me a review. It would mean the world to me and help other people find the show. And I'd love to connect with you more. So find me on Instagram. I'm @tarafaulmann. Take a screenshot of this episode and share it in your stories and tag me. I'll see you over there.