Starting Over Sucks!
How many times have you stopped and started your diet or your fitness program, or anything!? How many "the diet starts on Monday" have you had or New Years Resolutions that didn't last? We've ALL been there. We have a tendency to have really rigid thinking about being "on plan" and this all-or-nothing thinking keeps us stuck. I have a better way! Let's learn how to persevere instead of stop and start. It's easier than you think!
XOXO
Tara
Full transcription available at the bottom of this post
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Full Transcript:
Have you lost the will to start again after so many failed attempts at diets or exercise routines, and lots of good intentions to get back on track that never quite come to fruition? Are you just exhausted at the idea of starting again... Yep, we've all been there more than once, probably, we're gonna dig into how to deal with that, what you can do about it. Let's
Starting Over. Sucks, that's what we're talking about today. But before we get down to business, I wanna direct your attention to a couple of things, I put together a free workbook for you called five simple shifts to jump start your health. You can find that at terraform dot com, resources. It's a little workbook that includes five things that you probably haven't thought about, but they could be the missing links for helping you move forward in your goals, so I encourage you to grab that free resource and use it to your advantage. I also want to make sure that you are part of our online community at community, no nonsense wellness dot com, it's free to join, and it's where we take this podcast and sort of dissect it and work through it a little more thoroughly. We can get your questions answered. We can encourage you to work on it for yourself, but it's just the place where we get to gather as a community of like-minded friends to work through our wellness and weight loss and health goals all together. So the links for those two things are in the show notes, so wherever you're listening from, just scroll on down and you'll find the links for both of those there, and I will see you in the community.
I can't wait. Okay, starting over is the worst. Right, and how many times have we done it like how many times... Like January 1st, right? January 1st is the start over year for everyone, but why... Why do we start over? Why don't we just keep going? It's because it's hard. Keeping going is hard, but starting over is harder. Okay, so over the holiday time, if you'll remember, there was a lot of covid shut down things happening, and I took a break from my gym membership for a month, and I told myself that if I take this month off, I will work out at home. Yeah, totally, I will. Even though I know that the truth about myself is that I am a social exercise, I am a terrible at homework or outer, I don't do it, I feel I don't wanna do it. I don't like going down to my basement by myself and doing stuff, I love the energy of other people around me when I'm working out, it feeds me and my workout and I need it... I know this about myself yet here I am saying, Oh, I'll just work out at home...
Yeah, it'll be great. It wasn't, I didn't do anything, I did not do a damn thing, and I knew I wouldn't, and I still was trying to convince myself that I would... Okay, here's the point, going back to the gym a month later, sucked in one month, I lost so much strength gains that it's taking me way longer to get them back, I lost a ton of progress because I decided that, sure, I can stop and start over. That was a terrible idea. So what would have been a lot better is if I had maybe just done half my gym membership or at least gone a couple of times and not completely put it, that would have been smarter of me, but I didn't do that. So here we are in this position where we keep stopping and starting, stopping and starting, and a lot of it is because we have this pause button mentality, the majority of us, myself included, seem to have this idea that we could stop and we'll just pick it right back up, right? We think I'm too busy right now, or not is not a good time to focus on my health.
I just need to hit the pause button. I know I've been doing pretty good for 30 days, but I'm going to a vacation and I'm not gonna be healthy on it, so I'm just gonna not do anything for two weeks of vacation and I'll come back, I'll pick it up based where I'll pick you right back up, now you won't... That's not how your body work, 'cause that's one of your mind work, you just pick it back up. You start over. And that is way harder. We'll say like, Oh, I'm really busy at work, I don't have time to work out this month, so I'm just gonna take this month off 'cause I'm so busy and when this project is over, I'll pick it back up, or even a shorter window like, Oh, I'm just gonna eat whatever I want. This, we can be as a diet starts Monday diet starts Monday, and it's your 50th diet that you've done in the last three years is the 50th Monday in three years. That you've started again. Right. This is the pause button. A mentality, even worse. We use the never even start mentality, so at least the pause about mentality, I started and then I gave up and then now I have to start again, but at least I started once, that's better than not even starting it all, and you know the excuses you've used to not even start at all...
Oh, I'll start next month. This month, crazy, it's too much, I don't know the bandwidth to figure out how to eat more vegetables. This month, I can't do it. Well, I don't wanna start going to the gym this week because in two weeks I'm going on vacation, so I don't really wanna start going for two weeks and then quit for two weeks 'cause I'm on vacation and then come back and start again, so I'll just wait. And not do anything now, and just wait to back, right. You know, you said this hill out, you know you've done it. I know I've done it. So here we are, we either don't start or we stopped and started like a million times, but the truth remains the same, starting over sucks. It's never going to get better, and you know what makes it even worse? What are you thinking when you're thinking about starting over? You're thinking, This is gonna suck. This is gonna be hard. I don't know if I'm gonna stick to this, I've never stuck to it before, I'm probably gonna fail, this is gonna be so lame, I'm gonna hate this, those are the thoughts you're having when you're thinking about starting, it's no wonder that we can come up with a million excuses to stop or not start at all, our thoughts are totally sabotaging us, but imagine, if you will, if you use this pause button mentality in other areas of your life, you have a big project at work.
That is requiring a lot of focus. I dare you to say to your spouse, bam, this project is a lot for me right now, so I'm just gonna go to a hotel, I'm gonna stay there for three weeks while I finish it, you can handle the kids, and then I'll come back and I'll pick up like mom stuff again, but I just... I can't do it right now. I don't have it, I can't. Get your spouse and be like, Yo, what are you even talking about? That's not gonna work. You don't get to hit the pause button from being a parent, you don't get to hit the pause button from being a spouse, you don't get to hit the pause but not work... That is not how this works. So why are we so easy, so quick to hit the pause button on anything that has to do with weight loss, health or wellness or fitness, it shouldn't be any different, but it is. Why is it? It's crazy, you don't get to hit the pause button in almost any area of your life, except these spots, health, wellness, fitness, weight loss, you hit it all the time in those areas.
Why, I think what we're missing is that the past mentality really stems from our thoughts again, right, we have the thought that I don't wanna start and fail again, I've done this before. It didn't work last time. I didn't stick to it. Last time, what is the point? I'm just gonna quit anyway, right. When you say, Well, I don't wanna start now because I'm just gonna go on vacation, what's your thought... Your thought is What's the point? Because my thought is my thinking, I'm not going to exercise on vacation. If I want a different result, I have to have a different thought. The thought of failure is going to create feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration or even apathy, it just like, what's the point? And then those are going to result in in action, so we would rather never start or just stop completely, then choose to continue and face failure and face those negative emotions. We avoid negative emotions, so if I think that starting this process at some point down the road is going to cause negative emotions, I will avoid starting this process altogether and you following me with us... Let me say it another way, if I'm telling myself, this is gonna suck, I don't wanna eat all these vegetables, or I don't think I'm gonna stick to this five days a week at the gym schedule for the rest of my life, if I know at some point down the road, I think failure is inevitable, right, then I want to avoid the negative emotions that come with failure, so then I will avoid starting the action altogether.
So this is why New Year's resolutions, or why every single Monday we say we're gonna start and then we don't... We just share this delusion, like this magical Monday delusion that I'm gonna start fresh. Start fresh on Monday. I got this. It's delusion, it's not real. Because what are you doing? You're relying on that motivation, emotion, and if you listen to our last episode, you know that motivation is not a strategy, it is an emotion, you have to deal with your thoughts, pause button mentality only build the skill of pausing, it does not build the skill of persevering, let me repeat. Write this one down, the pause button mentality only builds the skill of pausing, it does not build the skill of persevering and that my friends is the skill that this requires. So here's how this looks on Monday, I'm gonna start my new diet, I commit with intensity and focus. I'm feeling motivated. I'm thinking positive thoughts. I have a positive mental attitude. I'm really gonna stick to... At this time, this is the one, right. I put a lot of mental effort into it, a meal planning and motivating, I'm thinking positive thoughts, I'm gonna do all these things, and as time goes on, life is still happening all around to me, all of the hard stuff, all the difficult circumstances of life is still happening, I still have a lot of responsibilities is still gonna do with the kids, I'm still gonna make dinner, I'll gonna go shopping, you're not gonna do all these things, and it's getting tougher and tougher to keep putting so much mental effort into this plan that I have created, if it's a diet, it's normally a restrictive plan, which makes it even harder, so even though I started with positive thoughts and all this mental energy, life is happening all around me, and it's getting harder and harder, it's getting more mentally draining and mentally draining to focus on this huge thing, I'm trying to do this huge plan, I'm trying to have this diet plan, this fitness plan, whatever it...
It's draining me, it's draining me to keep putting so much mental energy into that, I just don't have it, so at some point, usually 30... Generally, it's around the 90-day mark. We have a tendency to be able to make stuff like three months, but past that, it's really tough, so usually around that 90-day mark, we start to feel like it's too hard, I have too much other stuff going on, and I hit the pause button, but I'll start again next month, I swear. Sound familiar. It just becomes too much. To use an expression that, your mom probably is Ben off more than you could chew. So when you start a diet, it's teaching you how to be intense and committed for a short amount of time, but not how to stay committed during your complicated, messy, normal life. This, my friends, is Yo Yo dieting, on off, on off. This is why you don't have the results you want, ask yourself, How much progress did you lose because you stopped, how often do you actually start up again and for how long... This never works for long-term health or fitness, or business, or relationships, or jobs or really anything in your life, this stop-start mentality never works for long-term.
Long-term goals. Why, again, because you're not teaching yourself the skill of persevering, you're teaching your skill yourself the skill of overwhelm, pull back, overwhelm, pull back... That's not a great place to live your life right, and it's definitely not gonna get you where you wanna go. So the solution to all of this is actually pretty simple. What it takes is just a shift in perspective, which really is what... Just a shift in your thoughts, you have to start thinking, new thoughts, sticking to that crazy diet or exercise regimen requires very rigid. All or nothing thinking. I'm either all in, I'm either on my plan or on diet or I'm off of it. Right, there's no middle ground here. So many of us get stuck in this rigid thinking spot, I'm either on my diet or a fit, I'm on my exercise plan, or I'm of it, I'm going to invite you to try something else on for size instead of the all or nothing, pause, break, quit mentality. Just think of it as adjusting the dial, like in your head, literally picture your hand on a dial, adjusting it up or down, think of your nutrition and your fitness as a dial instead of an on-off switch, right, instead of on...
you're gonna turn it on a dial, we're gonna turn it up to a 10, we're gonna turn it back to a four, depending on what other things are happening in our life, instead of turning things off and more difficult times, we're just gonna dial it back, you can't run at a 10 all the time. You have to sometimes dial things back to a 3 or a four, and you are gonna have to start changing your thoughts about what it means to dial back to a three or a four. So many of us, if we're not cranked up to 10, then we are thinking thoughts about how we're not good enough, we're lazy, we are lame and we're never gonna get success, and I'm never gonna lose that 20 pounds because I'm not drinking white knuckle at a 10 all the time, you have to start observing those thoughts about yourself, and I'm telling you this from personal experience, because I am that person, I am the one who feels like I'm not performing unless I am white knuckle at 10, going balls on the wall, all in. I have to remind myself that I can't... Run at that level all the time.
I have to dial things back. Sometimes, and it is okay, I'm taking care of me when I do that, okay. We have to change our thoughts about the idea and what it means to who we are, and my thoughts about who I am, and give myself permission and grace to dial it back. Okay, these feelings of failure that are created by the on-off switch, I now need to give myself feelings of grace for just dialing it back. Does that make sense? Because I know if I just dial it back, I'm still moving forward. I'm moving forward slower, but I'm still moving forward, and that's what counts... Give yourself some credit. So to do this, you need to develop your own scale of 1 to 10 on your dial, and you wanna make your dial for nutrition, fitness, relationships, parenting, business, whatever, because you're gonna constantly... You're gonna be like a mad scientist and you're gonna constantly be aware of adjusting dials. So let's have an example. I know that this month, I am dialing up my business, dial 2-0-9, like I'm going for... I'm all in water. That looks like for you, whatever your nine is, I know to dial that up to a nine, I'm gonna have to dial back my rigidity about diet or my rigidity about workouts, I'm gonna have to dial those back a little bit because there's only so many hours in the day, there's only so much mental capacity that I have, those are the realities, so I need to give myself some grace and I need to have thoughts about dialing up and dialing back...
They're telling me, Terry, it's okay, it's okay, you're drinking this one up to a 900, so it's okay for you to crack this one down to a four... It's all gonna be good. You're still moving forward, and so you have to decide in every area of your life what that 10... What that one looks like for you, if I'm cranking my exercise routine back to a four... What is a four? What does that look like for you? Only you can decide what that looks like, so the easiest way to do that is literally just to put one through 10... What is 10 for your career? What does that look like? What are you doing what your daily... Which energy, how much time you're putting into it, and what's a one... What's the ones just like bare necessity, are basic bare-bones that are not getting fired right, and then you have to decide where you are on those scales, and then you have to level up or down according to what your goals are in each area. This is not something that anyone else can do for you, this is something that you have to do for yourself.
This is not about perfection, this is not about sticking to some strict plan or some strict routine all the time, this is about progress, it's about continuing to move forward, big steps or baby steps, it's not about stopping and waiting for some magical time when all the stars align and suddenly you have all the time in the world to do all your goals in every area, that's never gonna happen. When we release the all or nothing thoughts, when we release the on-off thoughts and either on diet or am of it... Is there some middle ground there? Yeah, there's like two through nine. It's all middle ground, right? There's a whole range of middle ground that you could be on instead of on or off. Is that making sense for you? So I want to invite you to release the all or nothing thoughts that you might be having and free yourself up and open yourself up to an always something attitude, so we're getting rid of all or nothing, and we're adopting always something. All or nothing rarely gets you all and almost always gets you nothing... Well, let me repeat that so you can write that down, all or nothing, rarely get you all and almost always gets you nothing, you simply cannot be on your A game all the time, So stop beating yourself up for it and start instead saying always something up.
I didn't go do my one-hour workout that would be dialed 10 today, instead today I'm dialing it back and I'm gonna go take the dog for a walk, that's a two. For my style, right? It's always something is better than all or nothing. I hope my friends that that was really helpful. I really wanna continue this conversation with you and continue supporting you and help you find your tribe, I hope you'll join us over at the community, it's free, it's fun, it's how I get to know you and how I know how to serve you even better. So until next time, Be Well